Im in my room as usual on a saturday night. I can hear my family downstirs their fighting as always. Mom, dad and then theres me. The girl that would do anything and everything to keep this family as it was but i just cant. I cant stand the constant fighting, it tears me apart inside to know that im the one causing the fights. If i werent born non of this wouldve happened. Im what you call a beautiful mistake. They didnt want me, my mom reminds me of that every night, my dad does too, but it doesnt matter i still love them, so soooo much. Why cant they see that? Why cant they try? For me? Why? Dont they love me? Ofcourse they dont, no one does! Im their mistake. Im no one, im nothing and i will never become anything, never be someone, never.
If they just wouldnt have had unprotected sex 16 years ago, they wouldnt have me as their mistake, i wouldve been dead, or unborn. Either way i wouldnt be here in this cruel household. Everynight i hear the sound of plates against the stone cold floor, glass smashing, door banging and cars driving away. Its all MY fault.
I walk downstairs to tell them to shut up cause i cant take it anymore.
“MOOM DAAD SHUT THE FUCK UP” I scream loud from upstairs.
“Im tired of you always fighting, im sick of being reminded of what a mistake i am, im sick or hearing that it wasnt planned, i wasnt planned to be born”
I smashed the door, ofcourse my parents hadnt said they hated me, or that i was a mistake, they had only implied it. Telling me how much of a “Surprise” i was, how young and stupid they were. How they had wished they wouldnt have had sex that night.
“Hunny” My mom ran after me probably feeling bad for me. But why? She didnt love me so it didnt matter to her what i felt? Did it?
“Hunny please open the door” She knocked. I sat there quiet.
“Youre not a mistake, we love you” Here comes the lies again.
My mom continued her lies, telling me how much she loved me, how little of a mistake i was, i just sat there quiet, my heart was burning silently, it wanted to kill. Kill mom, kill dad, kill everything. I cried tears of silence, pain of death. If i could just die then everything would be okay, mom and dad would stop their fighting, they wouldnt have to worry about me. They could live on their lives, have kids whenever they wanted. Perfect kids, beautiful, love kids. Kids that would do whatever their parents said, kids that was loved.
I silently opened the drawer where i had my razor, i placed it over my arm and SWOSH here comes the pain. The beautiful pain. SWOSH more beautiful pain my lifes streaming over my bedspread along with the more material proof of life, blood. Blood thats the reason why im alive, its proof that im human, that i have a heart thats beating, that i have a soul.
I heard a knock on the door.
“Baby open the door its me” There was that beautiful voice, the voice that for some reason kept me alive, the voice of an angel. It was Justin my boyfriend.
“NO” I said with the tone of an angry 5 year old. He answered by shaking my handle again and again and again, faster and faster and faster. He was worried.
“Please Candy open the door” He said as calm as he could.
“NO” I said once again. I could hear him run downstairs then coming back up, the lock twisted and there he was with a spare key in his hand.
“OMG Nooo what have you done baby” He watched the blood on my bedspread, his face went pale. He hated blood, it made him sick. He watched from the blood to my cuts then to my other arm where my hand was grasping onto the razor. He ran as fast as he could into the bathroom kneeling down beside me as he wrapped the towel around my arm, hard.
He laid down next to me and brushed my golden brown hair away from my eyes.
“Their lying Justin” I whispered.
“About what?” He stroked my cheek gently with his palm, it was warm, his fingers tickled the sensitive skin.
“They dont love me, nobody does. Nobody ever will.” I cried. “Theres nothing i can do, to them im just a mistake, im just a obstacle in their lives, i was never meant to be born.”
“HEY thats not true” Justin said defensive. “I love you, more than anything” He whispered, he kissed my cheek then turned my face so that he could look into my eyes.
“Youre my Candy remember?” He said with a smile on his face. I giggled a little at his lame attempt to make a pun.
“Justin, youre missing the point, im an unwanted child, my parents doesnt even love me theyre lying. I might as well live without parents, on the street.” Pain ran out of my eyes. Justin kissed it, he kissed the pain away, the salty pain that kills me everyday.
“It doesnt matter if they love you or not, youve got me and thats enough!” Justin said, he didnt like my parents but that was only because i didnt like them.
“You dont get it Justin, they dont want me” I cried.
“Hey listen” Justin said trying to cheer me up. “You are the sweetest Candy ive ever tasted” Once again lame pun. “Youre the most colorful and beautiful Candy ive ever seen” More puns. “Youre the smartest girl ever, you dont deserve this nobody does.” He kissed my lips, the pain substeded, but it never went away. Not even Justin could make me heal.
“Why do you love me Justin?” I whispered, he smiled and hovered my on the bed. He gently pulled away the blood towel that one minute ago was white.
“Because youre smart” He kissed my lips. “Beautiful” Another kiss, this time on the cheek. “Sweet as sugar” A kiss on the other cheek. “And because you deserved to be loved” Another kiss on the lips. His kisses made me feel pretty, they made me feel loved even though i knew it was just imagination. Nobody could ever love me, not even my parents. But it didnt matter, his kisses felt good.
I pulled him closer to me as i kissed him back, he smiled deepening the kiss, his lips massaging mine making me feel loved, his tongue caressing mine making me feel loved, his hands touching my bare body making me feel loved. Oh and when i said bare i dont mean it literally. Justin sees me bare, he knows when something is up with me, he reads me and an open book, when im around him i feel vurnerable its like having someone read your mind. I feel like Jacob when around Edward. He can read me, no matter what i do. It gives me no strenght.
Justin starts kissing down my neck, his hot breath landing against my lavender skin, justin likes the scent of lavender thats why i wear lavenderperfume.
“I love you Candy” He whispered into my ear. “And tonight im gonna make you feel like the most loved girl ever”
“Good luck” I grinned with a playful smile. Its nice that someone atleast tries.
“I wont be needing luck” Justin says smirking as he pulls off my shirt. He kiss my shoulders, nibbling them a little, which makes me giggle. He kiss my clevage, he kiss my bra that he probably wish wasnt there, but he knows i like to take it slow. He kiss my stomach, waking up all the butterflies inside, he kiss each side of my hips, he grabs my hand and kiss each finger and each knuckle. He grabs my other hand, the hand thats connected to the arm of my living proof. He smiles and looks into my eyes repeating the words
“I love you Candy” He kiss each cut, it doesnt hurt it feels good, its pain mixed with love. He carefully brush his fingers over my cuts, each finger touching them lightly as he caress them, careful not to hurt me. He looks into my eyes once again whispering
“I love you Candy” He smiles. “Sooo sooo much”
“I love you to Justin” I gasp as he strokes my stomach gently, his fingers dancing around my lines that defines my abs.
“I wanna make you feel nothing but love tonight” Justin whispered. “And maybe a lil horny?” He smirked. I laughed at him.
“Sure, whatever” I giggled. He reached for my bra and unclasped it in a swift moment, he kissed my breats, his hands caressing them almost as careful as with my cuts. He sucked my nipples biting them lightly making me gasp.
He looked into my eyes as he slowly begun to suck at my nipples one hand stroking my cheek the other unzipping my jeans. I buckled my hips so he could get them off easier and soon i was lying there. Bare, exposed. I felt more vurnerable than ever this time, it wasnt because i was naked, we’d had sex before, but this time it was difference. It wasnt sex, it was love, something so valuble that if you lost it, you’d never get it back.
Justins fingers danced around my inner thighs, they made circles and squares and who knows what before they finally made their way up towards my wet pussy that was hungry for love and it needed to be touched, to be loved and to make love.
“Justin” I whispered, it came out almost as a moan. “Please make me feel good” I moaned.
“I will baby, i will” He whispered. His fingers touched my clit, the places where i was most vurnerable. I moaned a quiet moan, he kept his thumb there, moving in circles around it careful to not give any direct contact, his other fingers went down to my hole first there was one, then two, then three. They were exploring the territory, their new home. They pushed in and out, in and out, they made me feel good, incredibly good. For a moment i forgot about my parents.
“Faster Justin, faster” I moaned, his fingers pushing rhytmical in out and in and out, they were getting wetter and wetter for every second.
“Thats all you got Bieber?” I laughed. “Harder” I moaned. His fingers plunged into my pussy harder and harder touching my spot, my second most vurnerable spot, the spot that made my knees weak. Justin pulled his fingers out right before i came. I pulled his face close to mine and whispered against his lips
“Make love to me” Justin nodded and took of his shirt, his jeans and his boxers quickly.
“Tonight its all about you baby” He groaned. “Im gonna make you feel like the most loved girl in the univers” He smiled and kissed my lips with force, we just laid there and made out, our tongues making love with eachother our hands exploring eachother and our minds wandering off to a place no one but us knew about.
While we kissed i felt Justin slowly push himself inside me, he started slow but soon built up a rhytm. I moaned into his mouth but soon i had to break away for air. I gasped and was panting like an idiot.
“Mmm, Justin i want more” I moaned. “I want more of your love” He went faster and harder and deeper.
“MORE” I screamed, he thrust into me hard, my walls clenched and held onto him as he tried to push back out. Justin groaned, he groaned again and again and again.
“SHOW ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME” I screamed, my hands pulling his hair. Everytime he pushed himself deep into me he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. But as he speed up there was no time for kisses. He went on and on and on forever.
“This is how much i love you” He moaned as he plunged into me hard one last time releasing his love juice into my body making me shiver in pleasure as i came right after him. He planted a sweet kiss on my forehead and then he pulled out.
“I love you Justin” I whispered.
“I love you too candy” He said. “I Love you soooo soooo much, promise me that you wont ever leave me and ill promise you eternity” Justin said, tears were mixing with his sweat on his cheeks and down his neck.
“I promise, Justin.” Justin smiled and kissed me.
“Good cause i think im addicted to Candy” He giggled.